Critical Resource: Anger

Before we continue, please understand that the anger you feel is absolutely valid – and it is crucial that you accept it coming. If my posts have triggered an anger response, it is very likely, that your inner kid or teenager is on rampage now, because of the growing dissonance between the things you thought you knew about your inner world, and your inner world responding with a different reality.

This help tool is NOT for general anger management, it is made for c-PTSD anger flare-ups, despite that it can help you cope with anger generally, keep this in mind, please.

If you feel like you need someone right now, and nobody of your support humans is available, please have a look here:

Let us now start and let us check in on your anger, let us see what it has to say.

1. If you are currently surrounded by people who are flaring up your anger response, tell them as calm as you can “Hey, I need a few minutes to myself, I am so angry right now, and I don’t want you to become the target of it. I catch up with you, when I have regulated myself.”
2. Try finding a place where you can sit for a moment alone.
3. If you are someone who hurts themselves or others, make sure that you are not in reach of anything, that can be of use.
4. Sit down, place your elbows on your knees and place your face in your hands. Make sure your nose and mouth are free to breathe.
5. Now, close your eyes.
6. Imagine your inner kid, being placed between your chest and your arms. It is tiny, so angry, and so hurt.
7. Start talking to your inner kid:
   • “It is okay now, I am here, I got us covered and safe. You are free to speak now, I am listening. What are you so angry about?”
8. If tears show up, let them come.
9. If thoughts of anger appear, let them come. Speak them out, if you can.
   • “I am so angry because…”
   • “They treated me so bad, with doing…”
   • “I want to tell them…so badly now.”
   • “This was so unfair!…”
   • “I never deserved to be treated like this…I was only a kid.”
   • “It was not my fault, that…happened. I was a kid.”
10. Feel into your body, your core, in your belly and your chest. What are you feeling, and where is anger sitting right now?
11. Most often, anger manifests in the area belly upwards, through the chest and into the throat. Especially suppressed anger, that was never allowed to be spoken out, can feel like a hand grabbing one’s throat.
12. Take your hands and place them with their upper side on your throat, as if you free your throat from something grabbing you there. Let your head rest on your upper hands.
13. Inhale deep and slow, imagine your breath to be a glowing blue light that goes through your throat, down the way to where your anger sits.
14. When you find the feeling in your body, imagine the blue light to softly growing into the feeling and covering it all around.
15. Now speak to your inner kid, softly:
    • “It is okay, that you are angry.”
    • “You have every right, to be angry and to express your anger.”
    • “You have been treated unfairly, and you got hurt by other people. That was not okay.”
    • “I am here for you, and I will protect you from now on.”
    • “I can’t erase the past, but I am here for you, you are safe with me.”
    • Repeat these mantras 3 times.
16. If you feel ready, lift your head a little and open your eyes.
17. Inhale deep through your nose, exhale long through your mouth.
18. Now count when you exhale.
    • Inhale, exhale, 1.
    • Inhale, exhale, 2.
    • Inhale, exhale, 3.
    • Inhale, exhale, 4.
    • Inhale, exhale, 5.
    • Inhale, exhale, 6.
    • Inhale, exhale, 7.
    • Inhale, exhale, 8.
    • Inhale, exhale, 9.
    • Inhale, exhale, 10.
19. Listen inside, is it calmer now? How do you feel?
20. If you can, – Inhale – lift your head now from your hands, and slowly sit back up. – Exhale – .
21. Lean onto something if you can, let your arms rest relaxed on your legs.
22. Lift your head a bit more and let your view rest on the ceiling or the sky, wherever you are now.
23. Take another few breaths here and let the calm expand itself everywhere in your body.
24. You should be back now ♥

1. You can call someone who is dear to you, and who listens to you, without judgement.
2. You can take a pen and paper and write down everything that comes to your mind. Write it feely, this text is not meant for anyone to be seen, it is just something between you and your inner child.
3. Once you have calmed down from the big burst, you might want to go outside and walk for a while. This gives your body the movement and time it needs, to flush out any leftover biochemicals in your system that are normal for anger to form. 15-20 minutes are already enough.
4. You can also choose to do some sports, go running, go boxing, do the things that really get your body working. In the past, f.e male people used to chop wood, and it seems like the hard labour did exactly what a weightlifting workout nowadays does.

Okay, my dear, brave soul – I hope this helped you and I hope you are feeling better by now. 🙏I know these feelings can be quite scary, and maybe it was your first time experiencing this – but despite that, I cannot see you right now, I am sure you did great.

If you have experienced these emotions first of: They are absolutely okay, and you shall never feel shame or guilt for them, yes? They are very, very normal. Depending on where they came from, they might be even old and your system stored them until now. However, it might be for you, it is good that the feelings are flowing and coming out.

A normal, profit-orientated blog would now want you to read more and spend more time here, but I don’t. I want you to be okay, so please – do something now that feels good for you and brings you joy.

If everything feels too much right now, and you are sleepy – this also is very, very normal. See if you can get your hands on something to drink, something small to eat, and maybe retreat for a small nap.

You did well, small warrior.

Rest now, and come back when you are well again.

~Alka.